2018
With the year coming to a close I want to reflect back on this year. There has been so much change for me and so much growth I am so grateful for everything. I like to state where I was to where I am now to note the contrast in who I was and who I know am, so in no particular order....
With the year coming to a close I want to reflect back on this year. There has been so much change for me and so much growth I am so grateful for everything. I like to state where I was to where I am now to note the contrast in who I was and who I know am, so in no particular order....
I came from being triggered so badly by my wife dating others, to seeing the love she is willing to share with others as such a beautiful thing. Mind you, it doesn't mean I don't get triggered from time to time but I move through them a lot faster.
I came from calling myself monogamous to now exploring what being polyamorous can mean to me.
I saw men as competition and a threat to me my whole life, to now seeing them as equals and ones to collaborate in life with
I came from thinking love had to be earned by working hard or sacrificing my needs, to seeing that receiving love is just as important to giving love...stay in the ebb and flow of it!
I came from logically understanding what energy is to feeling it and having a knowing of it.
I came from being a single gal my whole life pretty much to marrying a woman that turned out to be my greatest teacher, lover, care giver, companion, challenge and co-creator!
I came from believing all drugs are bad to seeing how some can create the ripple to healing and seeing what we really are and understanding and experiencing that we are all connected.
I came from never seeing myself as sexy to having a glimpse of what sexy Esther would look like and wanting to explore that more.
I came from believing being a female is weak to seeing the potential the power of femininity can have and be for other.
I took for granted the beauty nature is to seeing the power of the mountains, the life water gives, the lessons that nature has...all the answers are around you.
I came from thinking remembering everything means that it really means something, to seeing that even if you forgot or I forgot a moment, it doesn't mean it didn't happen or that it was any more or less special in the moment it happened
I believing time was so limited to sort of understanding that time is an illusion....my brain hasn't completely wrapped around it but there are moments when time feels so abundant to me and this urgency to do is pointless.
I came from liking to be alone in order to escape the world to wanting to be alone to spending time dating myself and loving the person I am
I once believed that there is right and wrong but in truth there is so right or wrong, there is what serves you and what doesn't and that isn't the same for me as it is for others.
My love that I received and gave was conditional to now willing and wanting to give love to whoever chooses to receive it or not even having the other receive, no expectations
To once believing that is something more out there than us to feeling that that something more has always been here within us